Archive | July, 2018

A broken heart and a cherished object

29 Jul

It was only the other day that I had an epiphany about the person. Who means the world to me.  It’s probably due to my Brian Damage. I think of that person as an object. An object to be cared for, cherished, looked after, loved unconditionally, an object can’t help the way it was made it is just the way it is there to be used and adored.
I probably think of most people in my life as objects. So it baffles me when things don’t go the way I expect them to. who wouldn’t want to be adored and cared for I reason to my self?.

It probably why I always feel so Heartbroken when the object that I adore ejects me in some way. This recent time it happened I tried t describe how I felt when this happened. I have been encouraged by my psychologist to describe the feelings I have whem\n I’m distressed.  I don’t feel like this anymore and she has reconnected and things are going ok at the moment.

Apparently, I’m crap and everything I have to say is worthless. and I’m not worth talking to according the person that I consider the most important in my life. That I never change and will never change. But her having stopped communication with me it’s like my hearts been ripped out and is bleeding on the floor. Through all our ups and downs over twenty years, this has never happened before. She wants less talk more action apparently. As she pointed out I’m the youngest child I’m used to being told what to do I don’t act without someone else telling me what to do. .
I bereft I feel like I’ve lost my sun my rock my center. I’m lost I don’t know who I am without her. well, that’s all hope someone can help. .

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