Its been 9 months since my mum passed on. Its especially hard at birthdays and anniversarys. I find my self thinkiing that i need to call her about such and such thing about what the kids have been doing and what they want for there birthdays.
I tried to do something fun last saturday but have been paying for it for the last week.
So have been taking a higher amount of pain killers. I find it hard to maintain my faith and spirituality when i take a lot of pain killers.
Its one of the saddest things that my mum told me in the days before she died. That she was trying to get herself right with God but for the first time since she became a Christian she couldnt connect with God.
The pain meds that she was on were interfering with that ability. I am of the opinion that it was the morphine that killed her and not the cancer. She basically died of a morphine overdose.
It was probably a kindness as her suffering was over quickly.
So how do i maintain my faith when my pain meds are interfering with that ability.
So currently i just pretend on bad days till the good days come back when im not taking as much pain med.
I sing hymns in my mind and pray constantly when satan is attacking me with doubts about my faith .
Im glad that ive had all the spiritual experiences that i have as they act as an ancor to my faith during these hard times. I think back on those experiences that i have had. And they help me to reconnect with God.