Raising Children

4 Mar

Children are a wonderful gift from God they can be beautiful and delightful when everything is going ok. They can also be hell on earth when things aren’t going  the right way.
My Oldest will be 18 in a few weeks. That event and others has caused me to reflect on the last 18 years.

Before having children my wife and I set out to find out what was the bet way to raise healthy happily adjusted adults. we both had childhood traumas that we didnt want our own children to repeat.
We read a lot of child raising books . The tow That looking back now I feel had the most impact were rythym of Life and Children are from Heaven.  Rythym of life was all about attached parenting and using a village to raise a child.  Attached parenting worked well for the first 2 kids but you cant really do it as effectively with more than that as it becomes physically impossible to carry around that many children.
Its hard to believe now but our oldest daughter would have terrible melt downs and get really hysterical. SO while looking we came across the FAILSAFE diet. it totally changed her.  The hysterics and meltdowns disappeared and never came back.
We knew that the teenage years could be challenging.  I have found that the best way to handle teenagers is to not react to the extreme things they might say. Be rational and calm and let them know that you are there to support them no matter what.

Its worked well so far. My oldest liked to see if she could get a reaction out of me by telling me she had done the most outrageous things. eg got a tattoo, got pregnant, had drugs, ect.
While I would like to take the credit for how my oldest has turned out there are a lot of other influences, God, Both grandma’s her mother, her siblings, her friends and other influences to numerous to mention.
I wish her the best as she transitions into adulthood . I want her to know that I’ll be here to support her and all the rest of My kids for as long as I live.

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Happy New year … well maybe not.

24 Jan

II didnt really achieve much of the gaols that I had set out for 2018. The one I did achieve was pretty big I finished part one of my novel. I have been working on this novel for about ten years, so it feels great to have the first draft completed.

My podcasts however were another story . I didnt realise how hard it was to do something like that , my hat goes off to all those people who consistantly do podcasts. Its my goal again for this year to start the podcast back up . we’ll see what happens.

IN a few months I’ll be off travelling again so there will be a flood of activity on the blog again. As I will try to write something everyday to update people on what is happening in my travels.

My youngist daughter is getting baptised this week That”s the final one for the family. She  will have entered the road to salvation it will be up to her as to wether she stays on the road or not. I will do my best keep nudging her in the right direction like I do with all my children.

The remaining 4 kids go back to school next week. we have shifted them from there old school as the spirit guided us that it was time to move on.

So there is lots of change and excitement around at the moment.

I’m committed this year to futhering my learning of Spanish. I use three different programs. I have been been consistant for the last two weeks . I hope to continue it for the rest of the year.

As I always at this time of year I commit to writing more on my blog.

I have more to say but will do so more on another blog post. Its about the unhappy things that could be happening this year.

Upcoming Projects

21 Sep

I have had a burst of creative ideas lately. It is my goal to finish my novel by the end of the year. I have been close to the final chapter for a while now, but due to being near the end I was procrastinating. So I am going to finish it this year this book began being written started in 2006. So its been 12 years in the making. WHat was going to be one book turned into 3 and now the first book looks like it will be two books
My second project is my first podcast project Stripped Back Scripture. It’s a podcast that looks a the first the book of Mormon and tries to stri[ away all the clutter and worldview that has accumulated around it and look at it the way the original writers might have seen it.  I have I unposted episode outlining what I hope t achieve with the podcast. The second episode I’m still working on it will be a general introduction to the LDS church and theories of how we got the Book of Mormon
My 3rd project is making another youtube channel but this one to be based around my love of Spiderman. Called the Spidey-FIles. I have digital copies of all the extent spiderman comics. I will read each one and discuss pertinent aspects of the story touching of pop culture references as needed.
I also have a Patreon Account called Gray Matters. So if you want to support the work that I’m doing please subscribe.

Stripped Back Scriptures Podcast.

13 Aug

For a while, I have been looking for a podcast that does for other scriptures what Micheal Heiser does for the Bible.  Which is to look at the scriptures in their own context. try to envision how the original writers conceive of there world. I was unable to find someone that was doing what I was looking for, so I have decided to do it my self.  As moderns, we have a lot of knowledge prepacked into our brains, when we read the scriptures, we read it through the lens of our faith system.  As I’m most familiar with the Book of Mormon that is the book that I’m going to start on.
Eventually, I want to cover the scriptures of other belief systems, Islam, Zoroastrianism, Buddhism and Hinduism to name a few.
I won’t be reading every verse I will just read a few verses that interest me and then look at what academic research has to say about those verses. I will add any PDFs that I find to the show notes. I hope in future to interview some people that have inspired me in my study of the scriptures.

August 12 Rapture – Maybe not.

8 Aug

There has recently been an influx of rapture video to my youtube feed indicating that it will be happening on the 12 of August. Since 2015 it seems that around August and September somebody is predicting that the rapture will happen. It hasn’t happened yet and I don’t really think it will happen when people expect it.
But If I’m wrong and the rapture does happen on the 12th then I’ll be happy as life has been really sucky lately. It will be good to have it all over and to be living in the spirit world waiting 7 years for it all to end.  The antichrist will rise and it will be hell on earth for the next seven years till the savior comes.
I’m not really a believer int he pre-trib Rapture. I know that Jesus my Lord and Saviour will be coming back someday to take evil off this earth and to usher in a time of peace and prosperity and that most of us will live happily ever after.

A broken heart and a cherished object

29 Jul

It was only the other day that I had an epiphany about the person. Who means the world to me.  It’s probably due to my Brian Damage. I think of that person as an object. An object to be cared for, cherished, looked after, loved unconditionally, an object can’t help the way it was made it is just the way it is there to be used and adored.
I probably think of most people in my life as objects. So it baffles me when things don’t go the way I expect them to. who wouldn’t want to be adored and cared for I reason to my self?.

It probably why I always feel so Heartbroken when the object that I adore ejects me in some way. This recent time it happened I tried t describe how I felt when this happened. I have been encouraged by my psychologist to describe the feelings I have whem\n I’m distressed.  I don’t feel like this anymore and she has reconnected and things are going ok at the moment.

Apparently, I’m crap and everything I have to say is worthless. and I’m not worth talking to according the person that I consider the most important in my life. That I never change and will never change. But her having stopped communication with me it’s like my hearts been ripped out and is bleeding on the floor. Through all our ups and downs over twenty years, this has never happened before. She wants less talk more action apparently. As she pointed out I’m the youngest child I’m used to being told what to do I don’t act without someone else telling me what to do. .
I bereft I feel like I’ve lost my sun my rock my center. I’m lost I don’t know who I am without her. well, that’s all hope someone can help. .

Homosexuality Part 3. Confirmation Bias, Hindsight Bias and Gender Construction.

18 Jun

As I mentioned in part 1 this inquiry was started due to my own experience. I have/ had gender dysphoria. I say have /had because now that I’ve accepted my self for who I am I no longer feel confused  but I am still outside of the norm.
From the time that I start school I felt more comfortable around girls. Boys scared me. A few years later when I was about nine I started to want to be a girl. For birthday presents I wanted Barbies and Teddie bears. I never got them however. as my dad was old school and dolls were for sissies My Mum was open to it.
When I got to High school I found I was attracted to girls but still felt like I wanted to be a girl.
As I learnt more I decided that I was  a female spirit trapped in a male body. Then I met my wife who seemed to be the opposite of me a male trapped in a female body or so I thought at first, things turned out differently in the end. .
I stayed away from psychologist and psychiatrist for years due to the stigmas that my family placed on them . You go to a shrink if your not normal and its bad to be not normal. or you go if you  cant cope and not coping is weakness. We need to be tough and strong.
By the time I’d been married for a few years and with my mother in law being a psychologist I had a change in feeling about psychologists.
I was having relationship issues so I went and saw a gestalt psychologist . II cant remember how many times that I saw her. But she suggested that I had gender dysphoria.The way she described it clicked in my mind and  made sense to me.
we looked into my childhood. due to my sickness i was weak physically I found it hard to do tough things  which frustrated my Dad. so I spent a lot of time with my Mum and my Grandma. Who is Scottish , Her Scottish culture was very matriarchal. So she explained that its natural that I would want to be a girl in a culture that matriarchal.  .We also figured out that I wanted to be looked after and that culture shows women being cared for by men.sure they have ot do the cooking cleaning and child raising but generally they are looked after by me. tat least int eh culture I was raised in . Nowadays things are different.I think we have lost something in out culture now that it seems to be every person for them selves. with no one really caring for anyone else any more unless they have to and even then they resent it, As they could be out doing there own thing instead of being stuck with disabled people, the elderly or children,
So that’s my story. Just because people feel they are a certain way doesn’t mean they need to be defined by it.

I decided that I was a girl trapped in a male body. once i made that decision 3 things happened.1 Hind sight bias kicked in

Hindsight bias, also known as the knew-it-all-along effect or creeping determinism, is the inclination, after an event has occurred, to see the event as having been predictable, despite there having been little or no objective basis for predicting it.[1][2] It is a multifaceted phenomenon that can affect different stages of designs, processes, contexts, and situations.[3] Hindsight bias may cause memory distortion, where the recollection and reconstruction of content can lead to false theoretical outcomes. It has been suggested that the effect can cause extreme methodological problems while trying to analyze, understand, and interpret results in experimental studies. A basic example of the hindsight bias is when, after viewing the outcome of a potentially unforeseeable event, a person believes he or she “knew it all along”. 

wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hindsight_bias

In my case when I was in my teens I looked back at my childhood an reaffirmed that I was a girl by remembering all the times i want girl things but forgetting all the times that I wanted boy things as it didn’t fit the narrative i was trying to construct for my self.

2 confirmation bias kicked in.

Confirmation bias, also called confirmatory bias or myside bias,[Note 1] is the tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information in a way that confirms one’s preexisting beliefs or hypotheses.[1] It is a type of cognitive bias and a systematic error of inductive reasoning. People display this bias when they gather or remember information selectively, or when they interpret it in a biased way. The effect is stronger for emotionally charged issues and for deeply entrenched beliefs. Confirmation bias is a variation of the more general tendency of apophenia.

People also tend to interpret ambiguous evidence as supporting their existing position. Biased search, interpretation and memory have been invoked to explain attitude polarization (when a disagreement becomes more extreme even though the different parties are exposed to the same evidence), belief perseverance (when beliefs persist after the evidence for them is shown to be false), the irrational primacy effect (a greater reliance on information encountered early in a series) and illusory correlation (when people falsely perceive an association between two events or situations).

A series of psychological experiments in the 1960s suggested that people are biased toward confirming their existing beliefs. Later work re-interpreted these results as a tendency to test ideas in a one-sided way, focusing on one possibility and ignoring alternatives. In certain situations, this tendency can bias people’s conclusions. Explanations for the observed biases include wishful thinking and the limited human capacity to process information. Another explanation is that people show confirmation bias because they are weighing up the costs of being wrong, rather than investigating in a neutral, scientific way. However, even scientists can be prone to confirmation bias.[2]

Confirmation biases contribute to overconfidence in personal beliefs and can maintain or strengthen beliefs in the face of contrary evidence. Poor decisions due to these biases have been found in political and organizational contexts.[3][4]

wikipedia Confirmation bias.

3 my constructed reality kicked in. I had built up this false/ distorted reality. We are born a certain Sex but gender is the product of culture. Gender is how we act.  but we can sometime want to act contrary to how we should and in ways that are detrimental to us. So times its  hard for us to give up our constructed realities in favor of better ones.  These constructed realities are comfortable, yet at times they can be maladaptive and no longer meets our needs  it is at these time that we need to abandon the false reality for one more closer to the true reality.

We just need to accept ourselves as we are . if we are a female trapped in a male body that is who we are. In today’s trans society they say that you need to be your inner self if you feel female you should be female.  I would not like to be growing up in today’s society with gender dysphoria. My current physiologist gave my some info on gender dysphoria most people grow out of it .So encouraging kids to become what gender they feel is misguided.  kids today have enough to deal with.  I could go on and on as this is a topic that I feel strongly about as it is very personal for me. i will stop here .

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